Silas knelt in front of me, putting his hand over mine. “We’ll find her, Kit. We won’t sacrifice you. There is something we could do, however. Something that doesn’t involve you leaving your spot on the couch.”
All ears were on him, including mine. What? I signed.
“Magic lingers in some part of us as residual memories, including the bond you once had to Ramos. I have a certain…skill that could be used to find that residue and make it solid. We may be able to use that to track Ramos. We find Ramos, we find the child.”
Abel snapped. He drove Silas away from me, putting distance between us and everyone else, baring his teeth at everyone, including Silas.
“We could have located him this entire time?” Thomas asked.
“It was my choice,” Abel growled. “I will not cause any more damage to her, especially not in his name.”
Silas ignored him, his attention on me. “It won’t be pleasant. What I’m dragging out is a memory of the bond, and that will make it feel like it’s back.”
“No,” Abel snapped.
It could find her? I asked, and Silas nodded.
He flicked his gaze to Abel, who held it defiantly. “If you have a better idea, I would like to hear it.”
Abel glanced away, his jaw hardened. “Not this.”
“The choice isn’t yours. It belong with young Kit.
I reached forward and closed my grasp around Abel’s wrist. He flexed his hand, breathing deeply at the contact. “Yes,” I said to Silas, though my voice shook.
“Get comfortable and relax,” Silas told me, though he held Abel’s eyes until Abel moved.
He pulled up a chair in front of me and sat. I flinched at Silas’ light touch, and he made a soothing sound. For a moment, I wondered if I’d feel it when he started. Something about my magic allowed the wolves to calm me using their own, and I didn’t always feel it right away. Even without a pack bond, they could use my magic as bridge into my mind. Without a bond, they couldn’t hear me, but Silas had been able to see whatever memory I’d relived at that moment when he bridged us. I didn’t understand what magic he possessed that allowed him to see into my mind like a television screen, but maybe it was just Silas.
Either way, that felt nothing like this.
His magic was familiar, heavy, and it fogged my mind. It was unpleasant, and my first instinct was to fight the invasion. His fingers brushed over my forehead as he withdrew his magic a bit. “I’m glad to know you have the capability to try blocking me,” he said with what I thought was approval. “But relax. Let me in. It’ll go smoother.”
I breathed in, my body shaking with an emotion I couldn’t exactly pinpoint. Fear to be sure. Panic. Those were both emotions I knew well, but this other one…desperation maybe? Desperation to help but yet not feel what I’d agreed to feel.
My breath caught as my throat tightened. If I’d learned anything with my psychologist, it was not to fight the panic and fear. It had its rightful place and had kept me safe all my life. Brie had pointed out that it would always try to stop me from doing something that could cause pain or terror. That was its job, but my job was to not let it stop me. Good intentions, bad timing.
“She can’t do this,” Abel ground out. “Leave her be.”
No, I signed with force, opening my eyes. I was surprised to find my vision blurry and everything was a little brighter. Panic attack. My mind recognized it. Need a minute, I told Silas.
He nodded. “Tell me when you’re ready.”
Brie taught me to meditate. The two most useful things I’d gotten out of it was the ability to quiet my mind and the ability to loosen my magic. While my magic was usually wound so tight it could be painful, loosening it was unlike anything I’d felt before. I set about trying to get to that tranquil state so I could control it instead of it me.
I worked to loosen my muscles, one by one, which helped push the panic down. I thanked it for its concern, as she’d taught me, but told it I had a job to do. My alpha was here and would let no harm come to me. I could handle anything else. I didn’t try to clear my mind, but rather took the jumbled images that raced through it and constructed a mandala out of it. I used it as a focal point, letting myself sink into the couch.
Both wolves knew, after however long later, when I’d reached that point. My magic flowed out like a dam breaking, rolling out in invisible waves. Almost instantly, the tension in the room lightened. Both wolves took a deep breath, and when I opened my eyes, their heads were bowed.
“Good,” Silas murmured. “Ready?”
Ready, I signed.
He entered again, without moving toward me. I felt him the second he latched onto my magic from his position a few feet away. A proverbial door opened, and Silas’ magic flowed through it. I kept the mandala in my mind, focusing on it instead of what Silas was doing. I could feel him digging around, pulling at threads, but it was only when he grabbed a thread did I realize what they were. Wisps of memories. Not full usual memories, but the feelings contained within them. The ones that were soaked in magic.
My body immediately tensed when he fused my current magic with the residue of the magic. The mandala shattered, breaking like glass. I fought not to shut him out again, and grabbed for the pieces to rebuild.
“Shh,” he said softly. “Ground yourself.”
That proved more difficult as I scented Ramos’ magic. It sent a shiver over my body, so powerful I twitched. His pack bond formed on top the one I currently had with Abel, piece by piece. When he finished it, it blazed with magic that tainted Abel’s. My body jerked as if hit by lightening. I’ve never been hit with it before, but I imagine the pain that accompanied the blaze would compare well.
Silas began searching. I understood as he explored the different threads inside that bond that he wanted an understanding of the other pack members. Never before had he had the access he had now, and he explored their residual magic in ways that I had never thought to. Then again, I didn’t have the access he did even when the pack bond was in place.
It wasn’t like this bond at all, where I could touch the threads to other members and even pull on some to gain certain pack’s attention who were close. Ramos’ bond was heavy and hot, solid like steel but yet the same hotness as smelted metal. I tried to focus on the mandala and ignore his exploration, but I received the same input of information he did.
The pain started off as an ache behind my eyes. With each minute of his exploration, it grew worse until it ricocheted through my head, neck, and shoulders. The taste of iron irritated the back of my throat. I tried to clear it, but it sent me into a coughing fit. My muscles spasmed as I faintly realized it was my blood. High pitch tones rang in my ears until I could hear nothing else.

Back to The Symbols of My Jottings

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